Why is the Mall SO LOUD + I Was Quoted in Allure Today Re: Fenty Beauty!

When you reach your 30s, there’s this really funny dichotomy of your lifestyle that goes down: on one hand you’re still obviously young and vibrant but on the other hand, you want those pesky kids to get off your lawn…lol. My skin is snatched, but I can feel the onset of arthritis. I still enjoy hanging out with my friends—going to parties and concerts, but I need to be in the house well before midnight and I’m going to need the entire next day to recuperate in my bed with a heating pad. This is my life, yo.

Today I hit the mall because I needed to return something I bought at Sephora. Now I’m someone who usually just shops online because although I work from home, I don’t have it setup where I can just wander into the mall whenever I want to. I’M BUSY. But I had to go to the mall because I bought the item at an actual store and had to return it to the store as well.

Now I’ve been to this mall a gazillion times before although I hadn’t been there in a minute. And I did roll up in there during a perfect storm of school letting out and the day of a major Fenty Beauty launch, but I’m a master ninja when it comes to gliding through crowds flawlessly. I can dip in and out between slow mall walkers with epic timing and skill as if I were a cat doing the tango. But GURL, WHY MUST THE MALL BE SO GOT DAMN LOUD?!?!?

Like seriously, WHY do stores think that shopping and loud ass music go together? WHYYYYYYYY. I felt my heart rate go up quite a few notches and my anxiety was at an all-time high. WHO CAN SHOP WITH THE MUSIC SO LOUD?!?! Is it a marketing ploy of some sort that confuses some people into buying more than they need? I googled it and got this:

“When calm music is playing at a low volume, people tend to wander around the aisles slowly; on the other hand, when energetic, loud songs are playing, people tend to accelerate their pace through the store. Interestingly, the pace of customer flow doesn’t appear to affect sales.” Source

and this…

“Stores geared toward a younger crowd, say GAP and the like, will play music at a loud volume to give shoppers a club-like experience. The untz-untz-untz music creeps into your consciousness while you shop while keeping older people who won’t spend money there out of the store.” Source

That loud music thing doesn’t work on me—I walk the heck out when the music is too loud because I can’t concentrate on my purchases. Loud music makes me clutch my purse and be aware of my surroundings in case someone tries to mug me. I’m not thinking of buying anything—I’m looking for the nearest exit. Listen, I need to know the time slot when Sephora’s atmosphere is conducive to a cranky 36 year old’s shopping habits. I’m not trying to hear Katy Perry’s latest cranking out the loud speaker when I’m trying to find my next night cream. I’m also not trying to sandwich my arms through a gang of teens to check out the latest Fenty Beauty launch either (although I did today because I was curious, but I felt SO overgrown when I did it…lol).

Actually, let me just order my sh*t in peace at my computer in my plush ass office chair. I’m not trying to be laced up on mood relaxers just to buy lipstick in tranquility at the mall. I’m too old for this mess, yo…lol.

But on the bright side, today I was quoted in ALLURE in a story about how Fenty Beauty is SLAYING the beauty industry right now. You can read the full story here. Shout-out to Chaédria LaBouvier who wrote the piece—you can read more of her stories for Allure here and follow her on Instagram here.

Am I the only geezer here who can’t shop with loud music playing? Tell me in the comments!